...And How to Let Go
As I have previously mentioned, I have a comfort blanket. And I suspect I’m not the only adult in the world with one.
Mine is having a bar (or stash) of chocolate on or near my person.
Let’s look at the function of this.
If you think about it logically, some young children have a favourite teddy, doll, blanket or something else which they will carry about with them should they feel scared, nervous or sleepy. It could be something they were gifted at birth that they are used to and have formed a connection to. Or it could be something they have slept on which they keep with them as they felt safe at the time. The point is that whatever it is the child carries with them is a safety net for them, something they can hide behind or hug if they need to.
To apply this to an adult, or rather to myself, the comfort blanket I have is something that I hide behind. To deal with my anxiety, for example, I sit in bed with my favourite throw around me, playing on my PS4 or watching a movie, eating chocolate. And that’s my place of safety. It’s where I feel cosy and snug. It’s where I can escape to, and where I can relax and sleep. It’s the place where nobody else is and so I can do, and act, how I want.
Over the years it would appear my brain has merged these aspects. So pushing myself through my anxiety and doing things I don’t want to do, such as going out socialising, has compelled me to find another place of safety I can hide in should things get too much. And that seems to be the association between my room and what I do in my room – feast on chocolate. But seeing as I can't well fit my room into my pocket, I pack the next best thing just in case - a wrapped goodie.
So the question is, how do I assure myself I am safe and that I no longer need the chocolate?
Well, if things do get too much, the aim is to ground yourself. And that means to convince your brain that you are okay. I will cover further grounding techniques in later articles, but the quickest method is this:
If you can, close your eyes or take a minute to go somewhere you can be alone for a moment. Take a deep breath and exhale slowly. Then focus on your senses. Name one thing you can hear. Name two things you can smell. Name three things you can touch. Name one thing you have achieved that you are proud of. Then name one thing you want to achieve.
Following these steps will tell your brain that, whilst you may have been anxious, you are not in a panic, you don't need to run or escape. That you know where you are and thus have capacity to think straight. Thinking of the thing you are proud of will then tell your brain that you have overcome something previously and you could, if required, do it again. Then thinking of what you want to achieve will focus your brain on the near or distant future rather than your current situation.
Being able to control your emotions in this way reduces the necessity of having to turn to whatever safety net you may have in place. Each time you manage to accomplish this, the brain gets stronger and more accustomed to handling the situation. Your confidence will grow. And whilst you may still have anxiety attacks that can knock you for six and cause you to lose your confidence, this technique will provide you with a powerful tool that you can use when you feel able enough to do so.
Always remember that conquering the moment is more empowering than escaping the moment.
Also remember that if you do find yourself turning to your safe place, you are not a failure. Anxiety is not something that one can dismiss whenever they please. It is a complicated matter of the mind. Each time you overcome something is a victory. It is important to focus on this fact. Even the best boxer in the world will lose some fights. It is all a learning curve and about training to be stronger each time. Do not ever underestimate your ability to win. You are stronger than you think.
Until the next post, Big Love xx