There's nothing worse than starting off something you feel passionate about, in my case this website, and losing motivation. But it happens. And it has happened.
I suppose this has to do with taking on too much, trying to do a lot of extra stuff. In other words, going against what I'm writing by taking on many Changes at a time, rather than focusing on just one.
It also doesn't help that, although I've been following my Changes, I haven't lost weight. Granted, I know that things take time and it's not about the instant results but, rather, the long-term ones. And I do feel a little better in myself for what I've managed so far. The thing is, I thought at this point that I would have lost weight so I'm pretty bummed that I haven't. And this has a knock-on effect; my mood has been lower, I've been disinterested in stuff, and I haven't even looked at my website for far too long.
This is the curse of the Depressed. You can have a lot of fantastic stuff happening for you but the one area you're trying to work on isn't going as well as you'd like. And this means that you no longer feel things in life are going so well when, in fact, the reality is the opposite.
Let's put things into perspective. I have an amazing family that I'm super close to. I am one of the few people that gets to say I actually love my job and it pays well. I own pretty much everything I want. Listen; I'm by no means bragging about anything as that's not my personality. What I am saying though is that I am incredibly lucky, especially considering what's happening around the world today.
So why do I feel so unhappy? This is simply psychological. I have, once again, allowed myself to overthink things. Going back to my "Anxiety & Depression" post from 2 months ago, I have returned to the ways of believing people are looking at me and sneering, thinking up horrible names for me. In reality, I have seen no such evidence that this is happening. But, in my mind, they may as well be circling me, pointing and jeering.
As I say, this is the curse of the mentally-unhealthy. There are so many wonderful things I could concentrate on rather than giving a damn what others think of me. But unfortunately this is the Depression-slump. The Downer before the Up. The time when you think the worst of yourself and that the world is forever going to be a crappy rock to live on.
I know I am on the Up now, thankfully. And I am strong enough to understand the mental rollercoaster I am riding. I am also happy to report I can now see through the misery again that things are awesome, and I should be (and am!) incredibly grateful.
Going back to my "The River" post, there is nothing wrong with a little detour, with straying a little from the path. You just need to go back to the very start and focus again on why you started this journey.
And, for me, the answer is simple: To Fix Things a Little at a Time to be the best possible me.
For anyone else who may have lost motivation, we are on this journey together. I believe in us.
Until the next post, Big Love XX