How many times has a loved one thrown a nugget of wisdom your way? Maybe you've been chatting to them and asked for advice and they've shot you a corker. Or maybe you've been down in the dumps and they've noticed and offered you a verbal shoulder to cry on.
And how has it made you feel? Getting that advice? Grateful? Irritated? Warm and cozy? Like they were interfering?
The thing is, our loved ones usually know us. They see us, they get our habits. And when things Change, they can tell. And if things Change for the worse, they can really tell. And, if your loved ones are anything like mine, they get concerned.
Let me tell you something. I have worked at the same company for over 10 years. It's almost a leadership job, coming with plenty of authority. When I got the job, I was proud as heck. I'd worked so hard to get there, put in so much effort to apply and prove to everyone that I was worthy to work there. And when I started training for said job, I was enthusiastic. I couldn't wait to get stuck in.
I just have to let you know that my job issues photo ID's. And the trainers took the pictures of us for those ID's. Just a day or 2 into training, they came round with the camera. And on receiving the finished ID's, most of us giggled. We looked young. Mainly due to the camera lady taking the shot from a higher angle, causing us to look up slightly, giving us that big-eyed youthful appearance. But my picture was one of pure enthusiasm. There was a glint in my eye, a smile on my face. My cheeks were pink due to us all having a laugh just moments prior. My skin was glowing and I looked neat and smart.
Fast-forward a number of years (9, to be precise) and I had to renew my photo for my current role. And, I have to say, the difference in the pictures shocked me and everyone else who saw them. Gone was the youthful glow, the excitement behind the eyes, the smile. They had been replaced with oily but dull skin, a frumpy face (due to serious weight gain), pale skin, bags under the eyes. My hair was messy, face red from walking to the office (I'd become that unfit) and I was no longer smart-looking. I was in a hoodie. I looked bad. Rough. And, worst of all, I looked done with everything. Like, completely fed up.
The annoying thing is that my loved ones had noticed the Change in me years prior to that other picture being taken. They had noticed my demeanor Change over the years. I'd return to the house exhausted, usually. Worn out, drained, sometimes stressed. Usually annoyed. I'd sometimes have a thing or 2 to bitch about. And I was eating a lot more to deal with it all. Yep, they noticed my weight gain before it became such an issue. That I was chugging soda and energy drinks and inhaling pastries, donuts, you name it.
They tried to help me at the time. I can't even tell you how many of my family and friends approached me to suggest I quit. They would tell me the place wasn't good for me, that it was ruining me. "Get out of there," was a common saying.
I never listened. I'm guessing because of the good-ol' money trap - it's a well paid job and I suspected I'd struggle a lot to find another job that paid that well. Or that it's a varied job, with no 2 days being the same. Maybe I preferred that over a 9-5 desk job in a quiet office.
Whatever the reason, I stuck around. But just a couple of years ago I suffered a mental breakdown. Things had finally toppled me over the edge and I took time off to recover. After some months, I managed to return, lying to convince myself that I was recovered. I wasn't at all. I know this now. I had just persuaded myself that I should go back and deal with it. Because all the crap kept piling up again, getting me more and more worked up. And recently, just 7 months ago, I had a nervous breakdown.
Part of me thinks I should have left that job when my loved ones voiced their concerns. I know they were so worried about me that they would have preferred me to be jobless and needing support from them rather than continuing to work in that place. But most of me, if I'm being honest, can't regret it. That part of me firmly believes that things happen for a reason. That when it's time to move on, you'll know about it. And I suppose that's why I didn't move on. Because I didn't feel that I had a plan. That I was so lost in my Depression that I just accepted I was going to earn money by feeling like crap most days. And, secretly, hopefully, I was keeping an eye out for that sign to move on. Which, clouded by my own misery, I had no chance of seeing.
At this point in my life, I know I'm on the right path (although I do wander off it to gawp at something daft every now and then) and each day I'm feeling better equipped to recognise the things that aren't working for me. The things that don't belong in a life that yearns for goodness and positivity. And I can deal with them. And I don't need to have my loved ones tell me to Fix something. These days, I want them to tell me. The days that I'm not strong, I want that support around me to hold me up. Because that's what loved ones do. They support. They care. They love. And we all need that.
Take the time to catch up with your loved ones. Chat with them. Lean on each other for support. Have that buddy there to help you become stronger. Because, as the saying goes, "We are stronger together."
Until the next post, Big Love xx