Sitting down to plot out another article for my site, I started thinking. It seems I'm not taking the first Change too seriously, though I've admittedly already set my excuses for this - "I've gone public with my situation", "I've just returned to work after some considerable time off and I'm tired" and, of course, "I'm stressing about Christmas". But the thing is that I want to Change, I'm just not doing it.
So, sitting there bored and scrolling through Amazon, I had an idea. What if I bought something, a visual representation of some kind, that was so disgusting and unsettling that I would rush to shake that thing off my being? And then I saw it. A lump of fat. Well, a gelatin-like model (a "realistic texture") of a pound of fat. And I ordered it. And received it. And recoiled in horror at the sight of something that has been living in my body all this time. I mean, just look at it:
This is a pound of fat. 1 lb. Let that sink in for a moment.
To get to a much healthier weight, I need to lose 112 of these blobs that are scattered all over my body. To get to an even healthier weight, I need to lose 130.
Only this morning, walking back to my car at work with my colleague, I made a weakly humorous comment about being too unfit to carry a heavy-ish bag along with my own substantial mass. I was out of breath walking the 10 minutes or so back to the car park. Now I understand why it feels so difficult. To put this into perspective, I am carrying the weight of an average 16-year-old girl on my person, as well as my own healthy weight. I am essentially piggybacking my oldest niece everywhere I go.
Then this got me thinking about the effect on my body. My knees are under so much strain, as is my back. My organs are internally screaming. And then another thought struck me. Where the hell are all of these lumps of badness based? I'm guessing there's at least 30 in each butt cheek, a ton in my stomach and the rest in my thighs and chins. But, as you do, when I received this model I naturally held it against various parts of my body trying to see how many I could squeeze into each area.
So now this hideous display piece has taken up residency on my bedside table. A nasty creature which smirks at me each time I wake up and reminds me daily of what I've done to myself.
Along with this I've also took the time to create a weight-loss chart to further motivate me:
I am now more determined than ever to begin crossing out the numbers on this chart and getting rid of the extra pounds once and for all. And if you want to follow suit, feel free to print this chart out and cross out the boxes with me.
Until the next post, Big Love xx